Faith Community: Are You a Protector?

The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them...

I sat about 15 rows back, uncomfortably listening to the band sing worship music. When the band played the song, “You’re a Good, Good Father,” by Chris Tomlin, I had a moment.

It had been 2 years since my life exploded, and I thought, “Nope. You are not an ‘effing’ good father.  (I figured using the whole “f” word in church wasn’t acceptable so I used an internal abbreviation.) You are NOT good. You have NOT looked after me. I do NOT feel loved by you. You are NOT perfect in all your ways. There is NO peace so unexplainable.”

“You betrayed me.”

My face was not pleasant; I crossed my arms and looked at the stupid big cross on the wall in front of me and thought, “How could You?”

I was looking at an unavoidable third divorce. I thought I had done it all right. I was faithful; I homeschooled; I created a new ministry in my church; I went to Bible studies; I read marriage support books; I admitted my faults; I offered my body to my husband… I dedicated my entire life to my marriage and kids. I knew I wasn’t perfect, but I knew my motivation and focus was honoring to God. 

Unfortunately, that dedication wasn’t enough to protect me from intimate betrayal in my marriage. In that moment, sitting in this "holy environment", I also felt like God hadn’t protected me. 

The betrayal felt like an incessant clawing inside the deepest parts of my body: a continual discomfort that could not be remedied no matter what I did. Regardless of how hard I prayed and begged for relief, God did not remove my anguish. I went to sleep feeling it and I woke up feeling it.

• Reading scripture didn’t help because I got tripped up on the “fear not” stuff- I wasn’t afraid before and where did that get me?

• Talking to friends didn’t help because they were equally horrified and did not know how to help. 

• Asking for support from the church was useless because telling me to pray about it indicated I wasn’t faithful enough. 

• Going to therapy was out of the question because I didn’t have the money. 

  
  

Despite the chasm of horror threatening to open below me, my faith in God remained strong. If I didn’t believe in Him, my desperate soul would fall prey to the dark one who caused my pain and my pertinacious determination was not about to let Satan win this battle.

Fast forward to today- 5 years after that experience in church.

I was reading about God’s escape plan for Moses and how He nurtured the grumbling Israelites in the desert. When God began to lead them, God was described as a cloud in the day, and a fire at night, always in front of the Israelites, leading them forward. But when Pharaoh had the Israelites cornered against the “Red Sea”, surprisingly, God shifted His location. 

When the final escape from the Egyptians was being prepared, God created a new visual. 

God got BEHIND them. He placed the angel of God (described as fire) and the pillar of a cloud behind the Israelites, creating a wall of safety between them and certain destruction. The outcome was light for God’s people and darkness for the attackers. The Israelites walked forward into the lit unknown, with terrifying faith that God had their back.

19 Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel’s army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, 20 coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long. Gen 14:19 (NIV)

If I look back at my miserable, inconsolable, irate self, sitting in that chair in church, I wonder what my perspective would have been if I visualized a God behind me, guarding me from danger I didn't know about? He was behind me lighting a path forward, opening doors I never imagined existed, while at the same time holding back my oppressors. 

What if I visualized a fire right behind me, protecting me while God flooded my abusers with darkness?

What if I knew God had my back no matter what? Imagine the peace I could have clung to.

Furthermore, what if I trusted that my church had my back by supporting me and shielding me from harm? My story included well-meaning people trying to explore both "sides of the pancake".

What would my journey have been if I knew my faith community supported me, unconditionally.

Faith community, please hear this. God led me forward, and it was hard. I still have nightmares; I still wake up worrying about finances; I still have panic attacks about being able to take care of myself when I’m old. Any financial stability I hoped for in my future was ripped to shreds during my contentious divorce. I had to start completely over emotionally, financially, and, after being a homeschool mom for 15 years, I had to create income at age 50. There was nothing easy about my path.

Faith community, do you know how much easier you could have made my journey if someone had offered me financial help? Or free legal support? Or free therapy sessions?

My challenge for you is this: Could you be that fire for divorcing women, standing behind them while lighting a path for their future and a protective cloud from their oppressors? Could you be their stronghold?

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalm 9:9 (NIV)

If you would like more information about supporting women divorcing due to intimate betrayal, please contact me at kim@coachinghope4u.com

If you are divorcing due to intimate betrayal, please join my private community. You can find out more at www.notacasserolewidow.com